Addiction and Creativity
By T. Perry Bowers
I’m not an addiction therapist. But I do know what addiction is. I don’t call myself an addict because I don’t like to define it in such a singular way. If I attend an AA meeting I have no shame in introducing myself as an addict or even an alcoholic, but I no longer use that term in my own mind. It took me a long period of sobriety before I could let the tag of addict go. For a while I needed to think of myself as an addict to get me through the rough times when I really wanted to get high. Using that term reminded me I couldn’t go back there. I had a problem. There was something in my genetic makeup that drew me to drugs and alcohol. Now I no longer use that term to define myself but that doesn’t mean I don’t question whether or not I could hit a joint once in a while or tip back a beer. I have no doubt in my mind that would be a terrible thing. It would lead me down a very dark path. Yes, I suffer from addiction. Does that mean I need to think of myself as an addict twenty-four hours a day? No, I’m much more than that.
I’m a creative. I constantly create music. I constantly create new businesses and strategies for music businesses. I’ve also created a fairly large family (5 children)! I’m always looking for creative solutions for the challenges I face in life. I try to think outside of the box and look for opportunities. And like most people, I look for things that will get me to the next level without too much effort.
I’m also very disciplined. I wake up every morning at six o’clock. I meditate as soon as I wake up and again in the afternoon. I play my guitar and my drums every weekday, except when it’s hunting season, then I shoot my bow every day. I allow myself to skip practicing my instruments only on the days I hunt. I exercise at least three times per week; two of those sessions are Aikido instruction. I write these blogs every day after I meditate and do a five-minute yoga session. I post on social media for my business at least once per day. I film a few “Taylor Sound Tips of the Day” every week. I’m home at dinnertime almost every day. I put my children to bed, watch a little Netflix and crash.
It may seem like the lifestyle of a driven, productive member of society, but it’s also an addiction. Very rarely, I will get sick, and when I do, my life seems like a freight train running past me. I try to accomplish so much every day that when I am laid up in bed, I have huge anxiety. This anxiety has forced me to come to terms with my compulsive lifestyle. My life needs to change. I need more time in my life to be me. Less doing, more being.
I think a lot of musicians are like this. Many younger folks who haven’t figured out that drugs don’t work yet use substances to fuel this obsessive lifestyle. Creative people often feel like they come from another planet. (Maybe it’s some alien planet where we can wake up and produce beautiful art and music all day long without a care in the world). Earth has such gravity. We can feel very heavy here. Drugs are a quick, easy fix for this weighted feeling. All of a sudden we feel light. We feel blissful. We are connected. If only it lasted!
I’m not trying to prove how great I am by describing my disciplines. In fact, just the opposite. I use my discipline as a substitute for my old addictions. It’s not healthy. I choose playing my drums over seeing my own family. I am willing to be tired when I’m with my kids because I “have” to write every morning. I’ve always been like this. I don’t think I’ll ever change. However knowing this is my nature helps me adjust and correct when it’s getting completely out of balance.
In the end, that’s what it’s all about: finding balance. Everyone has their own sense of balance, their personal balancing point. I fill up my days with things that make me feel productive. I like to see results. These results provide me the high that drugs and alcohol once gave me. It’s definitely healthier. But, I have to be careful it doesn’t take over my life. On my death bed, I would like to say that I was a decent drummer, but I’d rather know in my heart that I gave my wife and my children the time and love they deserved. I want to enjoy my life, not always be striving for something else. Now, if I can just lose that anxiety I’ll be off to the park to watch the world go by!
